faith

Silence & Solitude

How do you feel about being alone with your thoughts and feelings? Does it make you uncomfortable? Are you afraid of what will come up?

I read this quote, the other morning, in my current read, “Every Thought Captive” by Jerusha Clark:

I feared the silence and solitude. What would I hear in the silence? Would I have to face myself if I sat quietly for five minutes? … I kept my life loud enough to drown out my own thoughts, and what God might be trying to say to me.

Andrea (quoted on page 205, “Every Thought Captive” by Jerusha Clark)

And, this made me curious… both about how others (like you) feel on this subject, and also whether I am truly as comfortable as I think I am with self-reflection.

I’ve always considered myself to be extremely introspective — perhaps even more so than most. I love to sit & journal, and think, and dig into why I do (or don’t do) certain things. I’ve always been curious.

As such, I don’t see myself as being scared of the silence; I’m not afraid to look inside, or to consider my own thoughts.

I don’t even think I’m all that fearful of what God may want to say to me. After all, I ask Him, frequently, to speak to me… to show me who He is, and what He has for me.

However, for me, it’s more about the feelings I may have to experience if I really slow down enough. I don’t like discomfort. I don’t want to face certain feelings. It’s not that I can’t… simply that I prefer to stuff them down, find the positives, and carry on. Who has time for negativity, am I right?

And yet, by not facing my feelings, they continue to pop up again — sometimes in different ways — trying to get my attention. And they usually don’t go away until I’ve dealt with whatever it is they’re trying to show me (which usually involves bringing them before God and getting His help).

Here’s the thing:

By not slowing down and taking time to be in the silence with our own thoughts (or feelings) — or, even allowing God to speak to us — we cannot grow into all we are meant to become. We get stuck in a loop of sameness. And that’s really no way to live. It doesn’t bring us the “abundant life” Christ promised us.

So, I encourage you to be brave. Intentionally take the time to sit in silence, even just for five minutes, and take note of what comes up. I will be doing this, myself (facing my feelings), too.

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Not Your Typical Christian Gal

I’m not your typical Christian gal. I don’t do the whole pushy, shove-it-down-your-throat stuff, or flaunt my faith piously for all to see. In fact, I’ve been dubbed “backslidden” and “far from God” because I don’t fit into the mold.

For example, here are a handful of things that set me apart:

  • I will go to bars
  • I like to drink alcohol (though, I don’t drink a lot)
  • I like Bohemian/Gypsy-style clothing
  • I don’t attend church
  • I follow my intuition (aka: Holy Spirit)
  • I don’t spew “Christian-ese” at people, or try to convert sinners
  • I read books like The Da Vinci Code, Harry Potter, Twilight, and even –gasp!– Rob Bell’s books
  • I love the Enneagram
  • I believe it’s okay –good, even!– to have doubts, and to question things
  • I was not (and still am not) a fan of Donald Trump
  • I refuse to watch Fox News



However, lest you think I’m a complete heretic . . .

  • I do not agree with homosexuality (though, I’m willing to befriend those who live this lifestyle)
  • I am against abortion (in other words, I am pro-Life)
  • I believe the Bible is God’s living & active Word
  • I don’t find it necessary to curse (swear)
  • I will not ‘hide’ my faith in order to seek approval, or be “accepted”
  • I do still avoid certain content, people, and situations, in order to guard my heart and mind (Prov. 4:23)



If you had a scale, with the far-left/Liberals on one end, and the far-right/Fundamentalists (& Evangelicals) on the other end, I’d say I fall somewhere just slightly to the right of centre.

I like to think of myself as a free-spirit or nonconformist Christian (heck, even a Christian rebel!). 😛

A lot of mainstream Christians and I do not see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, and I’m okay with that. (I do so wish, however, that more of them were open-minded enough to have healthy discussions with me, rather than jumping to conclusions, or judging me right out of the gate!). Sigh.

DECONSTRUCTING FAITH

Recently, I read an article that talked about “deconstructing faith”. I found this really interesting, especially since it’s quite similar to the process I went through, myself, quite a number of years ago (and am, perhaps, still going through).

Academics have dubbed it ‘theological deconstruction’, but in simple terms, they’re referring to what happens when a person asks questions that lead to the careful dismantling of their previous beliefs. Some talk about a “mid-faith crisis”, where deeply held doctrines are re-examined and sometimes jettisoned in favour of more progressive ideas. Many continue to self-identify as Christian throughout this time, others take on another label which they say carries less baggage, such as ‘follower of Jesus’.

Sam Hailes, Premier Christianity

The dilemma for those experiencing a shift in their faith is often figuring out which of their beliefs are true and good, and which are false and harmful… This period of questioning can be painful and often isolating, as Christians are sometimes afraid to voice their doubts or admit to a change of theology. 

Sam Hailes, Premier Christianity

The problem comes when people “deconstruct” their faith through questioning, but then fail to “reconstruct” it, afterwards. This is where you find a lot of the ex-Evangelicals, and those who’ve renounced faith all together. And it breaks my heart.

My sincere hope, in writing this post, is to find other free-spirit Christians, like myself, who don’t fit into the box (and don’t care to, either!)… those who are followers of Jesus, and hold to the inerrancy of Scripture, but who strongly believe that Jesus came to set us free — not to burden us under a list of “thou-shalt-not’s“. (Leave me a comment, if that’s you!)

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Functional gods

In my Bible study, recently (No Other Gods by Kelly Minter), Kelly was talking about the biblical story of Jacob, Leah & Rachel, and how both of these women had their sights set on their (functional) ‘gods’: Leah’s ‘god’ was Jacob (his love), and Rachel’s ‘god’ was bearing children.

What stood out most to me, though, was this:

How many of us settle for so much less than what’s available to us, simply because our sights are set on the wrong Source?

Leah’s sights were set on what Jacob could do for her, rather than on how God was answering her desires and healing her pain… in His way.

Rachel’s sights were set on the fact that her lack of children made her feel ‘less than’, rather than being grateful to God that she had the love and devotion of her husband, Jacob.

Both of these women were consumed by their false gods. They couldn’t (wouldn’t) see how God was actually present and active in their lives.

I think, then, of my own life… and the things that I’m focused on or striving after. Where am I discontent? What am I looking to for satisfaction and fulfillment?

… Leah thought that ‘if only’ she could have Jacob’s affection, then she’d be satisfied.

… Rachel thought that ‘if only’ she could bear children, then she’d be satisfied.

I often think, ‘if only’ I could …

  • be successful in my business (earning money)
  • have a better house
  • have a more reliable vehicle
  • lose the excess weight…

then I’d be satisfied.

I’m striving. I am looking to earthly things and accomplishments for satisfaction, fulfillment, and peace.

Yet, I’ve had these things that I wanted, before… but I’ve not found satisfaction.

Reason being, God alone can fully satisfy. No person, place, thing, or accomplishment will ever suffice! Only God being our everything — above all else — will ever bring the kind of fulfillment we seek.

It’s okay to want those other things — a healthy home, a loving marriage, a well-cared-for body, a thriving career — so long as we don’t seek them more than we seek God… so long as we remember that the only thing we truly need is God, alone. Everything else is merely icing on the cake — an added blessing! (“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God… and all these things will be added unto you.” – Matthew 6:33)

As long as we feel we need anything other than God, we will be discontent, striving, and chasing ‘idols’. But if we believe that we need nothing but God to be satisfied, then everything else becomes simply a blessing given to us from Him! (not earned of our own merit or action).

I don’t need a thriving business… because God has promised to provide for all of my needs. Yet, He has blessed me with this gift of being able to use my talents and skills in service to Him. God gave people work so that they could have a sense of accomplishment over the work of their hands, and something with which to fill their days. I, personally, am blessed to be chosen to use my gifts for Him in this way!

I also don’t need weight loss in order to be acceptable or loved or admired, as God loves and accepts me as I am. However, God also calls us to be good stewards of these earthly bodies so that we can carry out His Kingdom plans, and He wants us to seek Him for comfort — not food. Food has also become a false ‘god’ for me.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Father, forgive me for setting my sights on all of these other things — looking to them for satisfaction — when only You are the true answer! I praise You for Your grace, mercy & patience with me, Lord. Thank you! Amen.

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14 Amazing Christian Living Books

One of my favorite things to do is to recommend books! I used to read –on average– 80 books per year ((grins)). So, I’ve got quite the collection to pull from.

Here are 14 amazing Christian Living books I’d recommend:

  1. Crash the Chatterbox – Steven Furtick
  2. Brazen: The Courage to Find the You That’s Been Hiding – Leanna Tankersley
  3. Girls With Swords – Lisa Bevere
  4. What Keeps You Up At Night? – Pete Wilson
  5. If: Trading Your If-Only Regrets For God’s What-If Possibilities – Mark Batterson
  6. Grace For the Good Girl – Emily P. Freeman
  7. Practicing the Presence of Jesus – Wally Armstrong
  8. Battle Ready – Kelly Balarie
  9. The God-First Life – Stovall Weems
  10. Sacred Pathways: Discover Your Soul’s Path to God – Gary Thomas
  11. Girl Meets God: A Memoir – Lauren Winner
  12. Jesus in the Margins – Rick McKinley
  13. The Beautiful Fight – Gary Thomas
  14. The Jesus of Suburbia – Mike Erre

(Note: This post contains Affiliate links. Please see my Disclaimer page for more information).

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Transformation Through Questioning

We live in an age with an abundance of information. It comes at us from everywhere — home, church, school, work, online — it’s no wonder so many of us have lost sight of / gotten so confused about who we really are!

For a lot of my younger years, I attended church and Christian schools. It wasn’t until college that I started to learn that there were other worldviews that existed.

Throughout my twenties and thirties, a lot of time was spent maybe not “unlearning” the things I was taught, but rather seeking to take hold of what was true, and releasing what wasn’t. I needed to come to my own conclusions about what I believed, instead of blindly accepting everything others had taught me, without questioning it.

And yes, through this process of questioning and choosing, my life was transformed. It brought a maturity and a strength I hadn’t previously had.

LEAVE A COMMENT and tell me what you need to “unlearn” (or question) in order to grow.

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The Importance of Mindset

Today I’m sharing a snippet from my eBook. This is from the chapter on the importance of thoughts and mindset.

For years, I’ve struggled with low self-esteem. I could blame it on my parents’ divorce, or any number of things. But that wouldn’t change my situation. If anything, dwelling on blame, resentment, and/or any other negatives only adds to the problem.

What I have been coming to discover, recently, is that so much of life depends on our thoughts and our mindset. In pretty much every area of life, how you look at things determines how they are. It’s very much about perspective. Even the Bible agrees! Proverbs 23:7 {KJV} says, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” And, Philippians 4:8 encourages us: “…whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.”

God frequently reminds us, throughout Scripture, to PAY ATTENTION… to keep alert, and to be aware. The reason for this is because we are in a constant war — not physically, but mentally and spiritually; good vs. evil; our flesh against our spirit.

Joyce Meyer tells us that our mind is the battlefield — our battles are won or lost there. Think about any temptation you’ve faced. If you kept thinking about the thing, eventually you would give in, right? But, if you don’t allow yourself to dwell on thoughts of the thing — if you dismiss these tempting thoughts right away — then you are able to stand strong and resist.

Nowhere has this been more evident to me than in my eating and my attempts to lose weight. The more I think about eating when I’m not hungry, the weaker I get. Eventually, I have made enough excuses and rationalizations in my mind that I end up giving in.

However, on the (still rare) occasions when I dismiss the tempting thoughts outright, and distract myself with other things, I find myself victorious, and moving forward!

Taking control of our thought life, then, is so extremely important! It’s a cliché now, since it is said so much, but it remains true:

YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Something that has been helpful to me in becoming more aware of my thoughts has been to write out the negative things I think, and then — directly beneath the negatives — write out the positive alternatives. Psychologists call this exercise “reframing”. So, for example:

Negative: I cannot lose this excess weight.
Positive: I am taking baby steps toward losing my excess weight, and getting healthy

Negative: I am so stupid when it comes to this!
Positive: How can I go about learning more about this so that I feel more confident and capable?

It is important to remember that Satan will do anything and everything he can to “kill, steal, and destroy” what is good and positive in our lives. He is intent on keeping us stuck in the mediocre and mundane, so he puts negative thoughts in our minds to keep us from living in the Truth. He knows that if we get control of our thoughts, he’s going to have an awfully hard time making us miserable from that point on.

Another great way to change your mindset is to “reframe” with Scripture. Logan Wolfram, in her book, “Curious Faith”, calls this “Praying the Opposites”.

Say you’re feeling discouraged. The opposite of this would be feeling hopeful. So you would then look up verses in the Bible that talk about hope, and you’d use those verses to pray to God, asking for Him to “renew your mind” according to what His Word says.

You can do this with the negatives you are thinking about yourself, as well! For example:

Negative: I cannot do this!
Positive: Philippians 4:13 says that “I can do ALL THINGS through Christ, who strengthens me!”

Negative: I will never be able to pay my bills this month.
Positive: Philippians 4:19 tells me that “My God will supply all of {my} needs, according to His riches…”

So, don’t let the devil win! Take control of your thought life, and pray for a renewed mindset. It’s the only way to walk in victory.

WHAT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS DO YOU BATTLE WITH THAT YOU CAN TURN INTO POSITIVES? HOW WOULD YOU REFRAME THEM?

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Called To Be a Writer

Have you ever tried to ignore something, but just couldn’t seem to escape it? I most definitely have. Let me tell you a story…

For my 10th birthday, an older friend gave me my very first diary. I still have that book today. It’s got a mint-green cover, and the pages are heavily perfumed. It has its own lock and key.

I remember, as a young girl, weaving stories in my mind as I drifted off to sleep each night. Often times they included living in a mansion, and/or horseback riding through the woods on my grandparents’ property.

Sometimes I would even speak my stories into my brown Fisher Price tape recorder.

In grade school, one of my favorite things was when the teacher would fill all three chalkboards with notes for us to copy into our notebooks… then erase it all, and fill all three boards again. I loved taking notes! And I still take notes from every nonfiction book I read, actually!

I completed NaNoWriMo in 2006. I wrote 50,911 words in 28 days. My novel still sits on my shelf, unfinished.

To this day, I keep a journal. I don’t write in it daily, any more — only when I desperately need an outlet for my emotions, and/or I need to sort through the tangled messes of my thoughts. Writing things out almost always brings clarity.

I oftentimes “pray” on paper, as well, seeking God’s take on the issues I’m dealing with. I’ll write out what I feel He’s saying to my spirit, in response, also. This practice has truly helped to deepen my faith, and draw me closer in relationship with my Lord.

Also, I’ve been a blogger since 2005. It started as a way to record the books I was reading, then morphed into a community of others who loved the book-related memes I posted each week, and then evolved over time into a place where I now teach others the things that I’ve learned, thus far… and what I am still in the process of learning.

You would think, on reading all of the above, that I’d classify myself as a Writer. Yet, for the longest time, I’ve fought that title. I’ve even told God that I don’t want to be a Writer. And yet, the thread of writing has been woven throughout the tapestry that is my life, and it seems that I, like Jonah, must surrender to the call.

I realized something, this past week, that has truly helped me to start the process of accepting this: that I don’t actually hate to write. In fact, I have to grudgingly admit that, yes, I even like writing. As I said earlier, writing is how I sort through my thoughts; it’s always been how I am best able to express myself.

The “aha!” came when I saw that what I don’t like is writing for others… and, in asking myself why that is, it all came down to one thing:

PERFECTIONISM (aka: Fear)

…I don’t like writing out posts for my blog because I feel like my writing has to be “perfect” and “polished”, or else I won’t be seen as the professional that I’m aiming to be.

Yet, every professional was once a beginner. And God even tells us to not “despise the days of small beginnings” (Zechariah 4:10).

I guess I need to learn to give myself more grace — to accept my “beginner” status when it comes to writing, and to not mentally kick myself for being so inconsistent.

After all, I teach others that practice makes progress… and I think progress is as close to “perfection” as we’re going to get, this side of heaven. So, if I want to feel more confident in this role as a Writer, I just need to keep practicing. The more I do it — the more I write — the better I’ll get.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I’m curious… is there some title or calling that you’ve been trying to run away from? Share in the comments. I’d love to know I’m not alone in this!

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Something More: Why You Feel Restless & What To Do About It

Do you ever feel that restlessness inside? … The one that says, there’s gotta be more to life than this?

I believe that’s what is meant when the Bible says that God “has set eternity in [our] hearts…” (Eccl. 3:11b).

Too often, we tend to get caught up in our earthly life, and we forget that this earth isn’t our home. We are here for a purpose — one that’s so much greater than ourselves.

It’s easy, in the busyness of our day-to-day, to fall for the lie that our lives our all about us. But they aren’t. God placed each one of us right where we are, at this point in time, surrounded by these people, “for such a time as this“. We have a role to play for His kingdom… a purpose He predestined for us before we were even born!

So, that restlessness you feel? That’s your wake-up call, reminding you that you have work to do … that it’s time to stop living for yourself, and to start partnering with God so He can show you the special job He’s assigned to you.

Can this work get done without you? Maybe. But, it won’t be in the way that God originally intended. And, think about it this way: You’ve got a unique blend of your own style & experiences that, perhaps, can reach someone better than anyone else could. So, these people could end up missing out, because you neglected to take up the role you were created for!

Personally, I count it a privilege that God would want a messed-up gal like me to play a part in His kingdom building! You’d think that a perfect God would want perfect people to help Him with such an important job! But, nope … He recruits from the pit… from the mud & mire. While I may not see myself as equipped or qualified, God says, “Come on, girl! I’ll give you everything you need for the job. Just come as you are. It’s all good.” ♥

So, the next time you feel that restlessness within, stop and ask God to make it clear to you what He has for you to do. I promise you, He’ll show you the way.

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Overcoming Distraction (Squirrel!)

If you have seen the Disney/Pixar movie, “Up“, you probably caught the reference in today’s post title. Yes, I’m talking about… what, again? Oh, right — distraction.

The Dark Side has many tricks and tools in its arsenal to keep us from living the full & abundant life God promised us. Some of those schemes include:

Discouragement | Fear | Procrastination | Gluttony | Apathy | Convenience | Mediocrity | Doubt | Ease | Instant Gratification | Laziness | Overwhelm | Pride | Greed | Lust | Anger | Jealousy

…and, of course, DISTRACTION.

The devil knows that we are easily distracted, so he uses this to keep us from doing what God asks us to do, and he slyly makes us forget what is really important. If he can distract us, then we don’t complete the mission we were sent here for (to make God known & bring Him glory). And that makes the devil really happy.

I have been falling prey to distraction, a lot, lately. This is part of why my blog post schedule has been somewhat erratic. I’ve gotten distracted by the side-hustle I’m building, the books I’m reading, and the worst culprit of them all — social media.

Revelation Wellness shared a quote, the other day, that really hit home, for me, on this. It said:

“My concern is that our generation will miss their destiny because
they are too busy scrolling through everyone else’s.” (Christine Caine)

Whoo-boy!

So, how do we combat this distraction? How do we wake up? Is this even possible?

It is absolutely possible. “With God, ALL THINGS are possible!” And it starts with prayer.

Actually, let me back up a bit. In reality, it starts with knowing that you have committed your life to God, by accepting His free gift of being saved from sin, through faith… which then gave you the Holy Spirit within you as your Counselor, Guide, and a sort of holy GPS system!

The Spirit will nudge you to pay attention (maybe He’s using this very blog post!), and that is how you start “waking up” to the devil’s schemes. Once you start to become aware of what’s going on, then you can start fighting back! And, prayer is a good place to start.

Prayer is our call to God to say, “Hey, I could use some supernatural help here, please!” Because really, we cannot fight the devil on our own. We can try, but it won’t last — it doesn’t really work. We need God’s help in this battle.

So, we pray and ask God to open our eyes to all of the ways that the Dark Side is trying to distract us and keep us from our destinies. And we ask God to give us focus and strength to combat the temptation toward those distractions. Then we need to trust that God will help us (for when we ask for something that is already God’s will for us, we can have FULL confidence that we’ve already got it — it’s a done deal!).

And finally, we then need to get to work, and DO what God has been asking us to do…pursue that which we have been distracted from.

So again, to overcome distraction (or, any of the Dark Side’s other tactics), we need to:

  1. WAKE UP
  2. PRAY
  3. BELIEVE
  4. TAKE ACTION!

A quick example for you:

That quote from Revelation Wellness is what the Holy Spirit used to start waking me up. I recognized what had been happening (that I had been doing other things, rather than what God wants me to do), I prayed for focus and believed God would help me out, and then I took action — I left my computer turned off, this morning, in order to get this blog post written FIRST, before the online world could suck me into its distractions.

Like I mentioned earlier, maybe the Spirit is using this very post to get your attention! If so, don’t hesitate… pray, believe, and take action, today. It’s the best way to fight back against the enemy. Don’t let him steal another day. You’ve got this!

PS… As I wrote this post, my pens kept dying! I had to switch them out twice! Obviously, the Dark Side was working hard to keep me from sharing this with you! 

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Leaving Organized Religion (Part 2)

In my last post, I talked about how I feel God has shown me that I don’t need to go to church… it’s not a Biblical mandate. The Bible only says that we aren’t to neglect meeting together with other believers (Heb.10:25).

Well, I don’t want to give you the wrong impression… I might leave the church — meaning the Sunday morning services, or a specific congregation — but I won’t be leaving the faith. I am just tired of trying to live up to the man-made rules of religion.

Wayne Jacobsen (author of “So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Any More“), in this article, puts it this way:

Many people giving up on local institutions are not doing so because they’ve rejected Jesus, but finding that the culture of Christianity is actually diminishing their faith not enhancing it.

I’ve always felt really guilty for not keeping up with the “spiritual disciplines”: prayer, fasting, Scripture reading, etc. I do read my Bible from time-to-time (though, not as consistently as I should), and my prayer life is fairly active… I pray off and on throughout every day, little prayers sent up about this or that. But I don’t sit down do have “quiet time” with God, normally, and that makes me feel like a “bad Christian”.

While I realize that the spiritual disciplines are important, I also now realize that I was trying to make them into a “law”, more than a loving, grace-based action. If it doesn’t flow naturally from my love for God, then it’s law, IMHO. We should be so in love with our Lord that we naturally want to spend time with Him, and learn from Him, and grow towards being more like Him. Or, at least, that’s how I see it.

For me, I feel pressured by other Christians to always be striving in my faith. But, faith isn’t supposed to be about striving. It’s supposed to be about relationship; about letting Christ live out His purposes through us. Unfortunately, I never feel “good enough” when I’m around other Christians. I always feel like they are looking down on me because I don’t make it to church every Sunday, or don’t participate in church events, or don’t serve in some way at the church. I don’t DO enough. But, again, it’s not supposed to be about trying to please others.

As I said above, if you’re in a relationship with God, and He’s given the freedom to live out His purposes through you, then you’re going to be serving, or acting out the other disciplines of the Christian faith… they’ll just flow naturally from that relationship. It won’t be forced.

In the same article mentioned above, Wayne Jacobsen says this:

We were promised a relationship with God but were handed a religion of doctrines we had to believe, rituals we had to observe, obligations we had to meet and a standard of morality to adopt. While most of those were true enough, many found that their attempts to follow them did not produce either the life of Jesus it promised, nor the reality of true, caring communities of faith.

And, again, this is where I relate. I don’t feel like I’m growing in my faith — only being stunted by the “rules of the game”, and by the condemnation received from those around me. To quote Rob Bell, in his “Sunday” NOOMA video, “God doesn’t want the meaningless rituals… God wants our hearts“.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen
those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” ~ 2 Chronicles 16:9a

So, I’m not going to let those things condemn me any more… I am going to live in the freedom Christ is showing me, knowing I don’t have to follow man-made traditions. I can continue to meet with other believers, both at Bible study, and in one-on-one visits with Christian friends. And, I can continue to pursue a loving relationship with my Lord… just apart from “organized religion”.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves
be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
~ Galatians 5:1, NIV

Note: This post was originally written in 2009.

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