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Help! I’m Afraid of Failure, But I Want an Exciting Life!

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You’ve got all the ideas, but instead of getting out there and putting them into action, you are stuck at your nine-to-five job that pays the bills. You spend your days dreaming about what life could be like—if only you weren’t terrified of failing. If this is you, I’ve got good news: having an exciting life doesn’t mean you have to quit your job, sell all your stuff, and pack up to start travelling the world today. A few small steps can move your daily daydream out of the dream world and into reality.

First: make a dream list. If you could do anything in the world, what would it be? Don’t think about practicality here, just write down all the ideas that come to mind. Have you always wanted to be an artist? A Rockette? A scuba diver? No idea is too crazy to write down—this is a dream list, so let yourself dream big. Don’t worry about constraints like money, time, or responsibilities. Just write down everything that sounds interesting to you. 

Hold onto your list for a week or two. Read through your list a few different times. Set aside thirty minutes dedicated to daydreaming or journaling about your list. Once you’ve spent some time thinking about these dreams, identify the one thing that keeps floating to the surface, an idea you just can’t get out of your mind.

Next, talk through that idea. Coaching would be a great place to do this. You could also ask a supportive friend to meet you for coffee to talk this over—or even have a coffee date with yourself and your journal. However you choose to do it, answer the following four questions:

  1. What is the thing I really want?
  2. What am I most scared of? 
  3. What’s the worst thing that can happen?
  4. What’s a small change I can make to turn that dream into a reality?

Here are two examples of what answering these questions might look like: 

  • I want to be an artist. I’m terrified my friends will laugh at me and I won’t be any good. The worst thing that can happen is I find out I’m not great—but I could take art classes to get better. If my friends laugh, maybe they weren’t that great of friends to begin with. I can’t quit my job today to pursue art full time, but I can take a class at the community center or buy some watercolors and find a YouTube tutorial.
  • I always wanted to be a Rockette. That’s the thing I dreamed of as a little girl. I really love to dance, but I gave it up because I was scared I would never be good enough to “make it.” Now I’m well past the window where I could have auditioned and given it a shot… but that doesn’t mean I can’t dance anymore. What if I signed up for a dance class at a local studio? It’s been twenty years since my last class and I’m out of shape. I don’t know if I’d be able to keep up. But… I could probably find a low-key class with other people who just want to dance for fun. Maybe it would help me get back in shape, maybe I’d meet a few friends. If I hate it, I don’t have to go back. And no, I wouldn’t be able to go audition for the Rockettes—but maybe I could audition for a local theater performance if I really want to be on stage. 

Once you’ve answered these questions, pick one step to take towards your dream. Write it down with a deadline or ask a friend to hold you accountable. Then celebrate when you buy the watercolors or sign up for the dance class. You are making progress on having a more exciting life! 

Finally, work on flipping your mindset. You can learn from failure. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be able to achieve your dream—it just means you have more work to do. Failure is part of the journey. The more you fail, the better you’ll get at it, and the easier it will be to pick yourself up and keep moving.  

Keep your list—once you’ve made a little progress on the first item, you might be ready to start working towards another!

An exciting life means spending time on the things you love. Taking those first steps towards your dreams can make you see everything else in your life in a new light—no packing or plane tickets required.

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No One-Size-Fits-All Plan

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As a creative and free-spirit, I’ve always found it really difficult to do entrepreneurship the way the experts (or “gurus”) say you should do them. I’ve learned from them, of course, and I’ve tried to implement a lot of what I’ve learned. But eventually I feel restless, and need to shake things up.

And, I’m learning an important lesson — that it’s better to find what works for you, than to try to pattern your business off of what everyone else says is “right”.

You are unique. So, what works for others may or may not work for you. There is no one-size-fits-all plan for self-employment.

Sure, there are “best practices”. And I do believe it’s important to still learn what those things are. But, you then need to go through a trial-and-error process in order to really know whether or not these practices will work for you and your business.

So many people, I believe, are scared to venture off into doing things their own way. What if it doesn’t work? Will you not succeed if you don’t follow the “rules”? Won’t people fail to take me seriously?

I’ve been there and had those doubts, so I get it.

The truth is that you are less likely to succeed — at least, in the long-term — if you try to be something you’re not. You will always feel unfulfilled, maybe restless, and you will probably face burnout.

Whereas, by truly allowing yourself to release the shoulds and step into what feels right for you, things will flow much more easily, and you’ll be more likely to love what you get to do with your days.

So, go ahead, free-spirit! Let yourself be free to do what works for you!

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Who Says?

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Have you ever gotten into something, realized it wasn’t the greatest fit for you, and then… accepted your fate and stayed put? Maybe you thought it was the “responsible” thing to do, or that, since you’d already invested this much time in it, you may as well keep going. But, what if I told you that it was okay to quit — to let it go?

So often, we blindly follow rules and perform actions without questioning why. We accept that things just are the way they are, because that’s how it’s “always been”, or we do things a certain way because it’s what is “expected”. The problem is, we then end up just going through the motions in life, and things continue to feel boring, or routine, or mundane. We continue to do and think things, but then wonder why we feel so unfulfilled.

Thanks to a couple of books I read, recently (see one here), I feel like I’m starting to wake up to the possibilities.

Here’s a question for you: Who decided that you must keep doing things that way? What would happen if you changed things up? And, who said you can’t do this or that? What if you all-of-a-sudden just…did? (obviously, I’m not meaning anything illegal, or morally corrupt, okay?)

Seriously, though… I think far too many of us are left with unsatisfying and unfulfilling lives because we forget the following 4 things:

QUESTION

It’s okay — and even GOOD! — to question things; to ask “why”. Until I was in my late teens, I never really questioned my faith or the things I’d been taught in church, or even the way we did things in that church. Yet when I learned to question, I saw the flaws, and I realized I’d fallen into legalism. My faith has actually grown by leaps & bounds, ever since I learned to question why I do & think the things I do.

BE CURIOUS

Despite what they say about our poor feline friend, curiosity won’t (normally) kill you. Instead, it makes life brighter, and it adds an element of fun! We are born curious… it’s how we learn! Which leads me to…

TRY

You know that thing you’ve been wanting to do, but you’ve put off doing out of hesitation? What would happen if you took a leap of faith, and just gave it a try? Sure, you might fail at it. Would that really be as bad as you think? Isn’t regretting chances not taken ultimately worse? Don’t let your fear hold you back, and leave you with end-of-life regrets. Take chances! Have an open-minded attitude. Decide you will try the thing, and if it doesn’t work out (or you end up really disliking it), you can just let it go and try something else! You have the freedom to choose. Use it! (and hey… maybe it will work out — maybe you’ll succeed — and you’ll have a blast! Only one way to find out!)

PRACTICE

All too many of us (myself, included!) tend to forget that it takes practice to become good at just about everything. All of us start at Level Zero when we’re first trying something new. Every single one of us starts as a beginner — a “newbie”. And that’s an okay place to be. Why? Because you can only go UP from there! By practicing, you may never reach “perfection”, but you –guaranteed!– will see progress. Yes, it may take a while. The more you do a thing, however, the better you’ll get at it. Keep practicing, and you’ll keep “leveling up“! It’s the only way to succeed.

So, the next time you’re feeling stuck or bored, ask yourself if you need to throw out the old ways, and try something new. Be curious about how you can change things up. And, when you find something that does bring a spark back to things, accept your “beginner” status, and commit to practicing until you’ve gotten to your preferred level of excellence. And, don’t forget: nothing is ever permanent (except death). You ALWAYS have the freedom to make a different choice.

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